However, a bad news came along with the good news. I had been bleeding since last sunday, not severe though. And my friends are mostly experienced mothers and preggers and they told me not to worry as that was common. So I went to the clinic yesterday morning to have a check up and to get a gynae appointment, since I am definitely pregnant. So Nash told me the procedure to get one at the clinic, so instead of being refered to the gynae section in the same building, I was asked to go to Ward 12 at RIPAS Hospital for further check up. And the doctor at the clinic warned me that I might be admitted.

So I went with my husband, after I told him the results. He insisted to come along with me. (He is so caring that’s why I married him and that’s why I love him) So when I was in the ward, they checked me, they gave me an ultrasound and then they took three small tubes for blood test. We had to wait for hours but we decided to leave and come back if they needed me to be admitted.

I was hoping that when I got the call from the clinic before 8 pm last night they told me everything was okay. Instead I was asked to ‘check in’. So my husband again sent me to the hospital. It was at this time we both were told about the surgery that I had to have if the suspected problem was confirmed after the results from the ultrasound and the blood test came out. The doctor suspected I was having an ectopic pregnancy so she wanted to wait for Gynae specialists to decide on what to do next in the morning.

When I woke up around 7 this morning (well I couldn’t sleep actually because of all the noises and sounds coming from patients, nurses, and the equipment) I went to brush my teeth and face. Then when I was back at my bed, the doctor who had been attending me came to me and repeated the procedure that I had to go through again today. She asked me if I had taken any food or liquid. I didn’t. The last time I drank was at night before I left home for RIPAS and my husband asked me to down the Zam Zam water. The doctor said that was perfect and continued to order me to not take anything until I had the next ultrasound, which would be done in the Gynae Clinic downstairs. I had to oblige and comply.

Around 8 am I saw a bunch of expatriate female Gynae specialists crowding one bed to another at my section and I was the last to be reviewed. They all stood around my bed and there I was laying down staring at each face watching them talking and discussing the problem without even looking at me as if I was invisible in their eyes. After looking at my file, one of them (and I assume she is the head, if not a senior specialist, judging from her authoritative command) ordered the others to give me another ultrasound but to be done at the Gynae clinic, and not the one available in the ward, to get a clear picture of my situation. Then when they all left my bed, the nurse who was with them then explained what was wrong with my pregnancy. She informed me that my blood test showed that I was pregnant but the ultrasound couldn’t detect where it was and cyst was also detected. I was told I might be operated and I might loose a tube if it was really an ectopic pregnancy.

My doctor aunt called me up and explained to me about the necessary procedure if it was really ectopic pregnancy. My doctor cousin came to visit me after her post-call and asked me about my condition and she explained to me also everything about the pregnancy. Then my husband arrived and we talked some more. Then around 10 ish I saw a nurse put a tray on the small desk in front of my bed and I did not like the view of it. She was going to poke me and put insulin water since I hadn’t eaten at all. It was necessary since she didn’t know what time I was going to be sent downstairs for the ultrasound. I asked her if I needed to change my clothes so she gave me the uniform for patients and I changed in the restroom. Then I saw the nurse was ready with a wheelchair near my bed and she said the technicians were ready for me. I asked her if I still need the insulin intake, she said it was not necessary anymore (alhamdulillah – frankly speaking I had the experience one and it was not a good one and I would rather not having it again anymore in my life!)

So I was wheeled to the ultrasound room in the Gynae Clinic and I had to wait for a few minutes while waiting for the specialists’ presence. I felt like a criminal waiting for my trial and the verdict from the juries and the judge. When they arrived I was asked to enter the room. It was dark inside with just some dim light and I saw a young lady was behind the machine. She welcomed me with a warm smile and the nurse who was accompanying me asked me to lie down on the stretcher. A big pillow was put under my belly and the head specialist ordered the ultrasound to be done at that moment. I could see the long protuding stick, similar to the one in the ward which was used to check me earlier. I started to recite some prayers, hoping everything would be alright. Once the device was inserted I could feel a stinging pain for a while, but the specialists burst with happy remarks ‘There it is! Perfect! Thank you Suzan’ and they patted her on the back and I was still dumbfounded and looked at the nurse, who was standing next to me smiling happily. No one said anything to me yet until I overheard the head specialist said ‘The patient will be happy about this’. I looked at the nurse again and she finally said to me the sac was in my womb, and it was not ectopic pregnancy. Alhamdulilah, I praised Allah. But they found a cyst on the right side of my wall or tube (I didn’t get this part quite well) but it was just a small one. The specialist later informed me that they wouldn’t do anything to it at the moment because the fetus might need all the nutrients from the cyst.

So alhamdulillah…

I have been busy with work, then with my brother’s wedding last week and… now with work again, marking examination papers. I don’t even have time for myself. I think I am stress again. Can I quit my job? And do something else? Something lucrative?

Anyway, let’s talk abt something else. Oh let’s talk about my honeymoon, but then the pictures are in my camera and I can’t upload them since it’s at home. Maybe I’ll talk about my trip next time.

So what should I write today? Marking? God… I need a break from reading the essays, hence I’m blogging now. Just imagine, it’s such a disappointment to keep on giving low marks and in the end failing the kids. I don’t want to but I can’t help it. They didn’t answer the topic!!!  Why? Why? Why?

Okay enough talking about my students. It’s so frustrating. Let me share you what I learnt or gained from the workshop which I attended last Friday. I found out that I am a visionary (I think, worry and focus more about the future).I am a visualiser (okay let me check on that again) and from my handwriting I learnt that I… I… Hmmm… Okay I need to refer back to my file and notes again because I jotted everything in it 

Urgh… I don’t like ants now. Last Thursday night, I had to park my car outside and guess what, ever since that day, my car has been infested by ants… Ants!!! Black big headed ants!!! Creepy ants!!! And I have been spraying them using aerosol every single day after work. My father’s and my aunt’s guess is they probably have built a colony somewhere in my car. Ant’s nest!! Colony!! Ewwwww!!! Gross! Gross! Gross! I have been imagining my car one day is full of ants because they have built their home in it… Somewhere…. Why my car? Why? Why? Why? 

I bet tomorrow morning I’ll see ants crawling on the bumper, on the hood, on the side and back of my car again, despite my effort in killing them using the aerosol every day. I think my routine now includes spraying ants and killing them and making sure they don’t crawl on the body of my car. Curses!

Maybe I should take a picture and show you how gross this little creature can be when they are a lot and build an army…. Ants.. I used to respect and adore you but after this incident, I changed my mind… It’s nothing personal, it’s just that you messed with my car. That car is my only treasure 

I am grateful to my family, especially Mum and Dad, my brothers, especially Erul, and my sisters for helping me out. They are my precious. :’) I love you all and I do hope beautiful events like today’s will bring us all stick together and closer. Amin. Thank you for all your support and help. <3

I am thankful and grateful to all my close friends who witnessed the big day of my life. Thank you my hang-out buddies – Geck, Zatul, Rose, Noi, Izan and Sens, I thank my Regis Family – AG, Nash, Zety, Hjh Marinah and Cg Yahsyimmah, and some of my colleagues for coming. Your presence meant a lot to me and deep in my heart I am truly grateful to have wonderful friends like you. You all are like a family to me and I love you. *hugs* :')

Thank you Geck and Sens for the wedding gifts. I will open them with Mr Azman after our wedding reception but I bet they are lovely *giggle*

I thank Izan for helping me prepare all my wedding events. Izan also was so creative and lending her time and energy and ideas to help me to decorate the hantaran gifts. Thank you Izan. *hugs*

Wardah, you are one special and superb human being. My parents and I are truly indebted to you and I think even the word 'thank you' is not suffice to express everything that I feel inside. You've been helping me and my parents since the beginning and I am grateful to Allah that He has sent me a great helper like you. I do hope Allah will grant all your wishes, Hjh Siti Wardah Shukriati binti Hj Md Tahir, and I do pray that you'll be successful in all the things you do and I pray that you will find your own happiness soon. Amin Amin Amin… you are not just a friend, but a sister to me. Thank you for being my wedding planner and I love you sis :') *hugs*

O Allah… I am grateful for everything. I know they all are from You and I am grateful. I can never count the blessings. Alhamdulillah. :')

I remember what AG and Izan said to me once: You lost a friend but in return you get more better and great friends.

That indeed is true. I have all my close friends around me and I have my family and they have been helpful with all the preparations.

Allah has shown me the blessings in disguise. And for this I am truly grateful. Alhamdulillah.

11.03.2011 is a day to remember.
It is a new chapter in my life. I am now a wife to Mr Azman and a mother to his two kids. Alhamdulillah.

I hope and will always pray that I can be a great, loyal, superb wife and mother to them with the guidance of Allah. Amin.

To my beloved husband, I thank Allah for sending me you, for this chance in life to be a wife to you and I'll always pray that we will always paint our new life as a family with beautiful colours. May Allah grant us happiness and may our love for each other grow strong each day. And most importantly may Allah bless us and our new life. Amin.

Definition 1:

I am literally sick… well to be exact, I’ve been sick after I got engaged. What?? Engaged? Yeah *smile* I am now engaged to a lovely sweet guy *wink* Alhamdulillah…

Okay, I am not here to talk about my engagement day. It was over and yeah I don’t want to talk about it because that will be off the topic. Where was I again? Oh yeah. Sick! Yes, I have been sick (again I repeat) and it’s getting worse I guess. At first I was feverish and got the flu and then now I am suffering from dry cough.. (noticed there I’m using the word ‘suffer’?) and Allah knows I have tried various remedies to cure the cough. I hate getting the flu and I hate cough.. (I know I shouldn’t say ‘hate’ here, I mean this is nothing compared to terminal diseases, am I right?)

Astagfirullah… I am complaining I know… Count your blessings HBP… Being sick is kaffarah.. kaffarah HBP. Do remember that… so be patient and be thankful for Allah loves you dear…

Yes I am comforting myself…

Yesterday I was so sick that when I got home, I went to bed before 7 and only woke up before 5 in the morning. I didn’t even have dinner, though I asked my sister to buy some satay. So that shows how sick I was yesterday.

Definition 2:

This kind of  ‘sick’ is different. I am totally sick of individuals who have ill thoughts on me when I do not have such thing on them. Why make something that’s happening in my life a big issue when I don’t even give a damn about a thing in their lives? I do not criticise them nor judge them but noooooo… they don’t just leave me alone.

O Allah… give me abundance of patience and make me strong to ignore all these hypocrites, backstabbers and gossipers.

Okay, I think I’m gonna sleep on it tonight… again!

Wow!!

Happy anniversary to me! Well, I think I’m the only one who knows what I’m talking about.

Wow!! Amazing!! Didn’t realise it’s been a year.

Looking back, I shouldn’t be mad at everything, instead, I should be grateful for my past. Allah wants to open my eyes, open my heart and I am blessed that everything happened at this time of my life than later in the future. If thinking it this way, I am really grateful that He has shown me and guided me to the right path. Alhamdulilah.

I am proud to say that I am not someone who I used to be. I hope I’ll stay this way till the day I die.

If I met the Chinese doctor, I wonder what she would say… hmm it makes me wanna meet her now… so bad… ’cause I just wanna know what she will tell me this time…

Like maybe I am getting better, or she can sense something different in me perhaps… more positiveness *laugh* Oh no, don’t get me wrong. She’s not a witch doctor. She is a traditional Chinese medical practitioner. And… she has a degree in psychology (if I’m not mistaken) and she is a validated therapist. I remember before I left her house last year, she gave me a warm hug, and told me ‘You need to let go, forgive and move on and then you’ll be happy. Otherwise you will see darkness around you when there are actually full of colours.’ Yup… deep metaphor, but I got everything just fine.

So, it’s been a year… well more than a year actually because last year at this time round, I was in Bangkok *grin* Yeah.. Bangkok… Oooo I miss having a foot massage there *giggle* Okay that’s totally off the topic!

Anyway, I had a great talk with AG and Wardah this morning. And I spilled out some really personal stuff to them and I was glad that they didn’t judge me and they were actually glad for everything. Everything!

Alhamdulilah and I should also be grateful that I have friends like them… well, them as friends, it’s an understatement really. I feel like they are more like sisters to me. Alhamdulilah. I was really touched by what they have done and are doing at the moment for me, especially Wardah. I am really indebted with her.  I was almost in tears just now. May Allah bless them always ameen ameen ameen. So now all we have to do is we need to put our thinking hats together.

And… okay… this is it… I wanna let it off my chest…

I am actually proud of my accomplishment. I feel at ease with everything and yeah… I think I have let go… well, no more thinking of the  past. My main concern is the things that are coming ahead and yeah… looking forward to the new year. New year means new chapter in my life and I think it’s time to close the old one for good in a good way with fond memories…. I mean just remember of the fond memories and forget about the bad ones… you know bury the hatchet and leave everything behind. Besides what’s done has been done and whatever it is, let it remain in the past, it should be that way isn’t it? Things happen for a reason and Allah knows more than I do. I believe there are blessings deep within

Is this my new resolution? *laugh* I’m not really sure if this can be called as a new resolution but if it is, it’s still good isn’t it?

HBP, lets have a nice closure to 2010 and welcome the new year with a smile. Life is full of miseries, yes, but of course they always come with hidden beauty, and we can taste the sweetness of life if only we choose to see it that way

We talked about a lot of things and we had a great time though Renee’s food had a small bug in it. Ewww but then she was served a nice chocolate cake or brownie or whatever the name is to compensate the food that she didn’t get to indulge and finish.

Anyway then after having a quick lunch with them, I met up with Wardah and AG and then Wardah had to go… then I went home…

And now here I am in front of my laptop listening to my favourite songs – and read other’s blogs, tweets and play my games in my itouch.

I need to scrap actually but Dad’s in the office. I don’t think I can be in the same room with him now… awkward ’cause I don’t think I can just have a conversation with him out of the blue. Yup, in case you’re wondering, I am not close with him as simple as that…

So what should I do to kill time then? If I wanna scrap, I need him to leave the room first, and I just have to wait then…

I believe everything has already been written in the Book of Decree. I won’t budge even an inch for the choice I have made is guided by My Lord above Alhamdulillah.

I believe all will end well no matter what. Come what may, inshaAllah my God will aid in many ways in any way.

I believe in His judgment for He the only One who knows things seen or unseen. For He knows what’s best for me, thus I put my trust in Him.

If I am to face another hurdle,  I am ready to face the world. So just bring it! For I am not alone, He is always there for me.

Image via Wikipedia

I am currently listening to Sami Yusuf’s latest album, which was released almost two months ago.

I’ve heard the first two singles – Healing and You Came To Me during Ramadhan and I love them both. Now I’m listening the whole album and MashaAllah, it is beautiful.

I love Worries End and here are the lyrics:

Worry Ends Lyrics

Don’t be saddened by what you see
By all the lies and treachery
Life is cruel but don’t worry
In your heart lies the key
To unwind all the secrets
Of this life we see

When you feel you’ve lost it all
When you don’t know who’s your friend or foe
You wonder why you’re so alone
Worry ends when faith begins
Don’t be sad by what you see
It’s true life has its miseries
But one thing’s always worked for me
Worry ends when faith begins

Don’t be saddened by what you see
I know life can be crazy
A showcase of hypocrisy
In the form of piety
It’s just one big mystery
For you and me

I found my peace deep within
Calling inside
Follow what you feel is right
So trust your heart go ahead
Don’t lose sight
Follow that voice deep inside

When you feel you’ve lost it all
When you don’t know who’s your friend or foe
You wonder what you’re so alone
Worry ends when faith begins

Don’t be sad by what you see
It’s true life has it’s miseries
But one thing’s always worked for me
Worry ends when faith begins

If you’re weak it’s not a crime
Don’t you know it’s blessing in disguise
To know who’s honest and who spread lies
Worry ends when faith begins

Don’t be sad by what you see
It’s true life has it’s miseries
But one thing’s always worked for me
Worry ends when faith begins

Words: Sami Yusuf
Music: Sami Yusuf
Produced by Sami Yusuf

Next is this one:

Trials Of Life Lyrics

My life is not the same
When I’m too concerned by what they say
Why should I? When I have you
To doubt you would be the worst mistake

Deep inside I know
That amidst all the darkness
And everything, which makes no sense
I know that you exist
You are the light
That guides me through my darkest nights
That shows me right from wrong in life
In a world that often lies

Cause I don’t need anyone
Nor anything in life
But You
No I don’t need anyone
To show me my way
No I don’t need anyone
But You

Trials of life upon me
Are more precious than diamonds and gold
Tested with fire I may be
But I know I’ll come out stronger in this world

Deep inside I know
That amidst all the darkness
And everything, which makes no sense
I know that you exist
You are the light
That guides me through my darkest nights
That shows me right from wrong in life
In a world that often lies

Cause I don’t need anyone
Nor anything in life
But You
No I don’t need anyone
To show me my way
No I don’t need anyone
But You

I only want the things
You know is best for me
I’d gladly sacrifice
If that’s what you decree
I would break and
Mourn in eternity
Perish into the sea
If that’s what you want for me

Words: Sami Yusuf
Music: Sami Yusuf
Produced by Sami Yusuf

I also love this:

Wherever You Are Lyrics

My best times
Were when I felt close to you
But everything fell apart
The moment I strayed from you

In each smile
In every single sigh
Every minute detail
Traces of you are found there

Wherever you are I’ll find you
Cause you’re the one I turn to
Wherever you be I’ll be with you
Cause you’re the one my heart is to
I need you

To see your smile
I would pass every trial
Desperately I await
For the day when I’m by your side

Wherever you are I’ll find you
Cause you’re the one I turn to
Wherever you are I’ll follow you
Cause you’re the one I turn to
Wherever you be I’ll be with you
Cause you’re the one my love is to
My love is to

Wherever you may be
I’ll follow till I see
In my heart you will be
Your love is all I need

In every single smile
Every single sigh
Every minute detail
Traces of you are there

Wherever you may be
I will search till we meet
In my heart you will be
Your love is all I need

Wherever you may be

Words: Sami Yusuf
Music: Sami Yusuf
Produced by Sami Yusuf

And I love this one too. So soothing and he sings in different languages, including Malay. Sweet!

No Word Is Worthy Lyrics

(ENGLISH)
Searched for the words
To describe your beauty
No matter how I tried
No word seemed worthy
Struggled to find
The right words for You
Words just fail to describe
What’s deep inside

Subhan Allah, Wa alhamdulillah, la illaha il Allah, wa Allahu Akbar

(URDU)
Zemmeen Aseman, Jinn-o-Insaa bhi
(Earth and the Heavens, Jinn and Mankind)

Teri taa’reefein, Kartey bayan sabhi
(All praise Thee)

Bekhud huey, Dono jahan hi
(So both worlds become intoxicated)

Ruh se nikley, Jab ye kalma…Subhan Allah…
(When the soul recites this one word…Subhan Allah)

Subhan Allah, Wa alhamdulillah, la illaha il Allah, wa Allahu Akbar
(FARSI)
Dar havaye To
(In Your remembrance)

Par migoshaayam
(I spread my wings)

Be omidi ke roozi
(In hope for the day)

Sooye To ayam
(I come to You)

Dar vasfe To
(In describing You)

Jomleha ra gashtam
(I searched sentences)

Kalameyi najostam
(I found no word)

Joz inke gooyam
(Except to say)

Subhan Allah, Wa alhamdulillah, la illaha il Allah, wa Allahu Akbar

(MALAY)

Ku mencari kata puji
(I searched for words to praise You with)

Moga menjadi zikir hati
(Words to instill Your remembrance in my heart)

Namun tiada kalam yang pasti
(But no words are assuring enough)

Yang sesuci kalam ini
(As sacred as these)

Subhan Allah, Wa alhamdulillah, la illaha il Allah, wa Allahu Akbar

English Words: Sami Yusuf
Urdo Words: Mehboob
Farsi Words: Ustad Firooz
Malay Words: Yasin Sulaiman
Music: Sami Yusuf
Produced by Sami Yusuf

And this:

Make Me Strong Lyrics

I know I’m waiting
Waiting for something
Something to happen to me
But this waiting comes with
Trials and challenges
Nothing in life is free
I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud
That on that day I’ll be ok
But we’ll never know cause
That’s not the way it works
Help me find my way

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch
I know the road is long
Make me strong

I know I’m waiting
Yearning for something
Something known only to me
This waiting comes with
Trials and challenges
Life is one mystery
I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud
That on that day you’ll forgive me
But we’ll never know cause
That’s not the way it works
I beg for your mercy

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch
I know the road is long
Make me strong

Words: Sami Yusuf
Music: Sami Yusuf
Produced by Sami Yusuf

Well, I love all of them but these are the best. I am lyrical of course so I love them not only because of the rhythm but also the lyrics. Well you should know by now

I love the lyrics because they somehow reflect my life, what I’ve been through and they are a reminder for me that I am not alone.

Thank you Sami Yusuf for this beautiful album.

Lyrics credits to Islamic lyrics and videos credits to adispalic

So yes, I do recommend you to buy his album from Itunes or music stores. It’s really worth it, every penny. Trust me

PS: Love the Chinese Calligraphy

How’d you feel now? Mixed feelings.

When? I have no idea.

When? I am not sure.

When is it? I am not sure.

When?

Okay, rule no 1: Don’t expect too much.

Rule no 2: Don’t ask the same question over and over again.

Rule no 3: Just be patient.

I am annoyed especially when someone really pushes me to give answers which I am not sure of. Once or twice, I can tolerate but, ask me the same thing over and over again, mind you, I hate that. Please be patient.

I have a lot to think about. So don’t push me with questions which I do not know how to answer. Or what to answer.

I know some are super excited about it. I do too but I don’t know. I feel like urgh.. there’s killjoy. Seriously. If only people can read my mind.

My parents… are they really keen on it? Urgh.. from the conversation we had, it seemed like different. Or maybe because it’s almost the time of the month so I am being extra miss sensitive this time.

So are they excited? The reactions are hard to decipher clearly really. Maybe they are, maybe they are not. I can’t read the body gestures, language.. whatever they are…

Am I confused? Yes, very much!

But then again, as I said, this is almost the time of the month so whatever is written here is the hormone talking and probably I’m just being too sensitive.

Allah I need inspirations. I need courage. I need motivations. I need the energy. Well, I need everything.

It was supposedly a happy moment for everyone. Argh… I need to see a funny movie.

And yeah, I am not in the mood. OMG, I need the positive me back! Where are you?

I have been questioned the same thing for the third time, and boy tell me about it. Third time the charm they say. If this is a mind game, I think it’s really working.

Why questioned me with this question? Am I too blunt to say it’s even stupid to ask me that?

Why is it that what I do or decide to do is always questioned by people? Why can’t they just simply let me do what I want to do without giving me in return thousands of possible reasons to be doubtful about it, when I have finally made up my mind to do it?

Why screwed up my day people? Why? Sheeeeeet!!!!

Shit! I don’t like cursing but pardon me, excuse my French I just did! I am no saint and I do curse and swear but this time, I won’t censor the word.

I definitely know what I’m doing and I am really sure that it is the best thing to do, no.. not just best, no… it is the right decision and why do some people try to poison my head with negative thoughts? And this is even worse! Argh! From someone who is close to me!

Oh Hell!

I’ve had enough of people who are so judgemental when they don’t even know you. Like as if they are perfect… and they only see flaws of others but not themselves. They are so negative on certain things and certain aspects without giving them any chance to urgh… whatever…

Like there was this one time a parent criticising his own daughter in front of me, which I think it was so wrong. Just because she had a weakness he judged her this and that and you know what? I didn’t even pause when I told him in his face ‘You know, you shouldn’t have said that, don’t think negative. I think your daughter is not not clever. I think in three years time, if she works really hard, I believe she’ll improve. It’s possible that she is a late bloomer and one day she’s gonna be successful.’ I didn’t know where I got the courage to say those words but they sure came out from my mouth smoothly, without hesitation or a pause. You see, I just hate people who undermine others and judge others for their weaknesses. Shit! Do they think they are perfect and they never fail or they never commit mistakes before?

Okay I don’t know why I brought this matter up but I think they somehow correlate in a way or two… okay I’m just rambling here so what if they are off topic! I am just pissed!

I’ve had enough of people judging me just by hearing tall tales from some irresponsible people and these are the people who have made my life miserable. I’ve had it. Really! God knows what I went through and it’s not easy for me to brave each day if it wasn’t because of the support I consistently received from my friends who I’m close with now. Imagine to face the people who make your life miserable every single day, it was a total torture. I was depressed, really depressed and I had depression. I swear it wasn’t easy to brave each day. It wasn’t.

And I finally have my peace now. I have found peace at last. I am grateful for today. I truly am. I am happier now… I am truly grateful that I have them, all these close friends of mine and I finally have found someone who can really make me happy.

But why now? If this is another test that I have to face…

I suffered and was hurt a lot of times and though it took me almost a year to get back on my life, I survived everything, and for sure with God’s help and guidance, I can sure survive this.

If it doesn’t kill me it only makes me stronger. Unless they literally take a knife and stab me on my chest then… that’s a different story.