My second pregnancy

So I am back writing again after like what? Two years? The last entry was about my pregnancy. But let me tell you my friend that that was a very long time ago.

I think it was a year after my missed miscarriage that I finally got pregnant again, for the second time. But it was not a smooth journey I’m telling you.

I have a son now. Oh boy he has grown up so fast. He is 8 this year. Studying in Year 3. But getting him into this world was a daunting task.

During the first trimester, I had a couple episodes of bleeding. Yes, bleeding while pregnant. I thought it would be another miscarriage but it was a mistake to think that way. Both my baby and I pulled through. Then I was asked to do the GTT quite early and it turned out that my sugar was quite high and nope, I did not have diabetes back then, so I was referred to see a dietician. Then, during the second trimester, I had bleeding again, was asked to rest… and I remember, our late Deputy Principal Academic was so concern about my health and pregnancy that she allowed me to have my lessons in the reading room on the ground floor, so that I did not have to climb the stairs to go to all my classes. In my third trimester, I was hospitalized I think, a month before I delivered my son. I got insulin injections twice per day while being hospitalized and I was given another jab to make sure that my baby would grow to the right weight in case if I delivered him early (I remember he was underweight or small because I had to diet because of my sugar level). I just cannot recall now the name of the jab.

When it was time, I was in the labour room for more than 8 hours, if I’m not mistaken. Got in like in the evening but I delivered my boy probably around 3 ish in the morning. He had tachycardia because I had a slight fever so the nurses needed to monitor me, and made sure that I was OK before I could finally push him out. I was not allowed to push him until his heartbeat was normal.

I could not express in words how the experience was. All I could remember was that I was in real pain. I did not know how much I wanted the excruciating pain and agony to end. I did not remember how many times I had to push but when he was out, I suddenly felt a great relief but numb at the same time. It was weird not to hear the cry of my baby. Well, I expected that you see… because that was the scene I normally saw on any drama series or movies aired on TV. Instead my baby was very quiet. The nurses and the doctor were not concerned about the silence. When my boy was handed to me, at first I was scared. He was so small and fragile and I was not ready to hold him because I was not confident enough to hold him. But the nurse without waiting for my approval, she just laid my son on my hands and it was at that moment that I graduated as a Mother. It was as if I just realised that I did not need to practice to hold this sweet little creature. I cuddled him like a pro. It was natural.

I looked at that small face of his. So tranquil in his sleep. Yes, my son was sleeping. Apparently I was given something before I delivered him. It was not epidural but something else. It made me rest and sleep but woke me up every time I had contractions. I just don’t remember the name. But the effect of that medicine made my son sleep. So, he did not wake up until the second time or the third time I think the nurses came to check on us. The nurses actually woke him up so he could be breastfed.

Oh I will not skip the part when I got the stitches. The stitches though… is the best part of the story. Ho Ho.. my.. I certainly did not know how long the episiotomy cut was but one thing for sure – I do not and can never forget the procedure – the sound of it! I could not see how the nurse did it but the sound of the dissolvable stitches being done, going through my cut (I assumed it was just a cut, not cuts).

And I think that was the end of the pain… I was wrong. The dissolvable stitches did not dissolve after weeks and after some time, I could feel there was a slight bump on my cut so I decided to go to a private clinic for a check up. Guess what! I got an infection and the doctor told me the stitches should have come off on their own at most two weeks after delivery. The doctor had to cut open the stitches for me. I was not sedated. Imagine the pain people. Imagine the pain that I had to endure. After the procedure, I was given some antibiotics and ointment to apply on the infected wound.

So, my pregnancy was not easy but then, every time when I see and look at my son, the pain was worth it. I keep on telling myself, I faced a lot of hurdles during my pregnancy, labour and even after birth, but who knows all these things only mean one thing – that one day my son will be the one who will take me to Jannah.

That is my hope and pray. May Allah grant my wish. Aamiin.

My First Pregnancy

So, the last entry I made in 2011 was about my first pregnancy. Wow, that was ages ago. At the end of the posting I told you that I did not have to undergo the surgery and I went home happy.

But let me tell you this that the happiness did not last long.

If I could recall it clearly, it was not long after that that I discovered something that I neither expected nor anticipated. It was something worse. The next appointment did not give me good news. It was instead the opposite. The ultrasound that I had on that very day indicated that the sac was empty. There was no heart beat. A photo of the scan was given to me to prove the statement, but I was so overwhelmed with the news that if I think about this again, I am positive that at that moment I chose to ignore the fact and purposely thought the gynae doctor could be wrong. No. Wait. She was wrong. I chose to believe this. The doctor advised me to go for the Dilation and Curettage (D&C) procedure. The sac needed to be rid of. It could affect my health. I decided to not listen, to not heed to the advice. I asked her to give me another week to think it over. I was told that I could get an infection. I would risk it. I just needed one week. Who knew a miracle could happen. Suddenly heartbeats could be detected. It would be impossible. But again, what if. Just what if.

A verbal agreement was made. One more week then. Another appointment was set. In disbelief, I left. Anything could happen by Allah’s will.

I still remember I was in the car. My husband was driving. I was silent. I grabbed my phone. Called my close friend. What happened next, I am now not really sure how I broke the news. I think I cried first, before telling her everything. Or maybe I told her the news first and it was at this time tears started to fall on my cheeks. All I remember is I did cry. I was devastated.

To cut things short, it was a few days before my appointment that suddenly I got ill. Very ill. I took pills, still my temperature did not reside. I was still feverish. I was taken to the hospital and it was then I finally accepted the truth. The sac was empty. Nothing.

So the procedure had to be done.

On that day, my close friends came before I was wheeled to the OT. Zety. Nash. Wardah. Hjh Marinah. Them I clearly remember. They even helped me changed to my hospital gown.

I still do not know what actually happened. How did I lose the baby? I remember I was ill at the early stage of my pregnancy. I could be probably in the first or two weeks of my pregnancy. I was coughing badly so I took a cough medicine (well, the one that can make you drowsy.) I remember when I went to the bathroom to pass urine that I noticed I had some fresh blood on my pantyliner. I described it as fresh because it was not the regular colour of menstrual blood. But lighter. But then again, I was a first timer so I was not really bothered of this unusual incident so I regarded it as me having my period. Oh don’t get me wrong. At this time, I did not know yet that I was pregnant. Hence, I thought that I was having my period. If I knew I was pregnant, I would not take any medicine but go and consult a doctor instead.

When I was asked to recount anything unusual on the day I found out that the sac in my womb was empty, I told them this account. It was this that the doctor ruled out that probably that was the time when I lost my first baby. The fresh blood was it.

My first pregnancy. It was a missed miscarriage.

A New Beginning

I am back. I guess. I miss writing to be honest.

It has been a while since I last posted an entry. Been years. Now where have I been all this time?

I have a lot to say actually, but I just don’t know where to start.

Okay, I think this can wait. In the mean time…

I will just leave you with this new comeback short note. Hehehe

Hospital

I found out I am pregnant last Tuesday after I finally decided to take a pregnancy test when I realised that I was already late for my menstrual cyle for more than a week. I had this feeling I am pregnant because I was never late like this before. But, Zety wouldn’t believe me until I took the test. So, on the first day of the second term holiday I finally took it. It came positive. Mum was the first to know because my husband was in the shower. I had to wait for him to get out of the bathroom to tell him the news. He was thrilled I guess as he hugged me and asked me to take care of my health.

However, a bad news came along with the good news. I had been bleeding since last sunday, not severe though. And my friends are mostly experienced mothers and preggers and they told me not to worry as that was common. So I went to the clinic yesterday morning to have a check up and to get a gynae appointment, since I am definitely pregnant. So Nash told me the procedure to get one at the clinic, so instead of being refered to the gynae section in the same building, I was asked to go to Ward 12 at RIPAS Hospital for further check up. And the doctor at the clinic warned me that I might be admitted.

So I went with my husband, after I told him the results. He insisted to come along with me. (He is so caring that’s why I married him and that’s why I love him) 🙂 So when I was in the ward, they checked me, they gave me an ultrasound and then they took three small tubes for blood test. We had to wait for hours but we decided to leave and come back if they needed me to be admitted.

I was hoping that when I got the call from the clinic before 8 pm last night they told me everything was okay. Instead I was asked to ‘check in’. So my husband again sent me to the hospital. It was at this time we both were told about the surgery that I had to have if the suspected problem was confirmed after the results from the ultrasound and the blood test came out. The doctor suspected I was having an ectopic pregnancy so she wanted to wait for Gynae specialists to decide on what to do next in the morning.

When I woke up around 7 this morning (well I couldn’t sleep actually because of all the noises and sounds coming from patients, nurses, and the equipment) I went to brush my teeth and face. Then when I was back at my bed, the doctor who had been attending me came to me and repeated the procedure that I had to go through again today. She asked me if I had taken any food or liquid. I didn’t. The last time I drank was at night before I left home for RIPAS and my husband asked me to down the Zam Zam water. The doctor said that was perfect and continued to order me to not take anything until I had the next ultrasound, which would be done in the Gynae Clinic downstairs. I had to oblige and comply.

Around 8 am I saw a bunch of expatriate female Gynae specialists crowding one bed to another at my section and I was the last to be reviewed. They all stood around my bed and there I was laying down staring at each face watching them talking and discussing the problem without even looking at me as if I was invisible in their eyes. After looking at my file, one of them (and I assume she is the head, if not a senior specialist, judging from her authoritative command) ordered the others to give me another ultrasound but to be done at the Gynae clinic, and not the one available in the ward, to get a clear picture of my situation. Then when they all left my bed, the nurse who was with them then explained what was wrong with my pregnancy. She informed me that my blood test showed that I was pregnant but the ultrasound couldn’t detect where it was and cyst was also detected. I was told I might be operated and I might loose a tube if it was really an ectopic pregnancy.

My doctor aunt called me up and explained to me about the necessary procedure if it was really ectopic pregnancy. My doctor cousin came to visit me after her post-call and asked me about my condition and she explained to me also everything about the pregnancy. Then my husband arrived and we talked some more. Then around 10 ish I saw a nurse put a tray on the small desk in front of my bed and I did not like the view of it. She was going to poke me and put insulin water since I hadn’t eaten at all. It was necessary since she didn’t know what time I was going to be sent downstairs for the ultrasound. I asked her if I needed to change my clothes so she gave me the uniform for patients and I changed in the restroom. Then I saw the nurse was ready with a wheelchair near my bed and she said the technicians were ready for me. I asked her if I still need the insulin intake, she said it was not necessary anymore (alhamdulillah – frankly speaking I had the experience one and it was not a good one and I would rather not having it again anymore in my life!)

So I was wheeled to the ultrasound room in the Gynae Clinic and I had to wait for a few minutes while waiting for the specialists’ presence. I felt like a criminal waiting for my trial and the verdict from the juries and the judge. When they arrived I was asked to enter the room. It was dark inside with just some dim light and I saw a young lady was behind the machine. She welcomed me with a warm smile and the nurse who was accompanying me asked me to lie down on the stretcher. A big pillow was put under my belly and the head specialist ordered the ultrasound to be done at that moment. I could see the long protuding stick, similar to the one in the ward which was used to check me earlier. I started to recite some prayers, hoping everything would be alright. Once the device was inserted I could feel a stinging pain for a while, but the specialists burst with happy remarks ‘There it is! Perfect! Thank you Suzan’ and they patted her on the back and I was still dumbfounded and looked at the nurse, who was standing next to me smiling happily. No one said anything to me yet until I overheard the head specialist said ‘The patient will be happy about this’. I looked at the nurse again and she finally said to me the sac was in my womb, and it was not ectopic pregnancy. Alhamdulilah, I praised Allah. But they found a cyst on the right side of my wall or tube (I didn’t get this part quite well) but it was just a small one. The specialist later informed me that they wouldn’t do anything to it at the moment because the fetus might need all the nutrients from the cyst.

So alhamdulillah… 🙂

What A Week!!

It’s been more than a month since I last blogged about my life. I must have been so busy that I didn’t actually get the chance to post anything new and recent about my life. Well, that is indeed true.

I have been busy with work, then with my brother’s wedding last week and… now with work again, marking examination papers. I don’t even have time for myself. I think I am stress again. Can I quit my job? And do something else? Something lucrative?

Anyway, let’s talk abt something else. Oh let’s talk about my honeymoon, but then the pictures are in my camera and I can’t upload them since it’s at home. Maybe I’ll talk about my trip next time.

So what should I write today? Marking? God… I need a break from reading the essays, hence I’m blogging now. Just imagine, it’s such a disappointment to keep on giving low marks and in the end failing the kids. I don’t want to but I can’t help it. They didn’t answer the topic!!!  Why? Why? Why?

Okay enough talking about my students. It’s so frustrating. Let me share you what I learnt or gained from the workshop which I attended last Friday. I found out that I am a visionary (I think, worry and focus more about the future).I am a visualiser (okay let me check on that again) and from my handwriting I learnt that I… I… Hmmm… Okay I need to refer back to my file and notes again because I jotted everything in it 

Urgh… I don’t like ants now. Last Thursday night, I had to park my car outside and guess what, ever since that day, my car has been infested by ants… Ants!!! Black big headed ants!!! Creepy ants!!! And I have been spraying them using aerosol every single day after work. My father’s and my aunt’s guess is they probably have built a colony somewhere in my car. Ant’s nest!! Colony!! Ewwwww!!! Gross! Gross! Gross! I have been imagining my car one day is full of ants because they have built their home in it… Somewhere…. Why my car? Why? Why? Why? 

I bet tomorrow morning I’ll see ants crawling on the bumper, on the hood, on the side and back of my car again, despite my effort in killing them using the aerosol every day. I think my routine now includes spraying ants and killing them and making sure they don’t crawl on the body of my car. Curses!

Maybe I should take a picture and show you how gross this little creature can be when they are a lot and build an army…. Ants.. I used to respect and adore you but after this incident, I changed my mind… It’s nothing personal, it’s just that you messed with my car. That car is my only treasure 